How labels make you stuck and mess up your development, career or otherwise.
Getting unstuck in a world where everyone needs a single noun to describe themselves.
Should we label or not label?
As humans, we tend to get attached to things. Not only material ones. We create superficial words and pump them with meaning, which we then pursue for the whole of our lives. Think about corporate titles, LinkedIn profile headlines, the way you present yourself while networking or the subculture you're part of.
This narrows down your options contrary to what you may believe inside. Sounds like a contradiction? Indeed, you can earn more with a “head” or “lead” title. Yet, the market wants you to embrace being placed on predefined life paths like:
When you work as a project manager in banking, you can expect to be directed towards the same industry for years to come.
If you want to move from a BA role to a Scrum Master, that will be hard, although you might already have some experience and traits that would suit it.
You had your own business? Companies will hesitate to hire you.
Yes, labels and the standardisation that comes with them can help a lot. They make it easy to grasp your surroundings. That said, they can do a lot of damage when you get attached too much.
Let me explain.
Bike messengers and the art of detachment
Imagine a situation. Part of your life is cycling. You love it. It makes you feel great, you've already achieved some success in that field. You consider yourself an athlete. It’s part of your life. You cycle 4-5 days a week like a pro. You buy gear from brands that only your subculture could appreciate and understand. Fast and focused like a NYC bike messenger, you wrap up each day with happiness on your face.
Now. What happens with you when you break a leg and can't do it for a few weeks or even months? Will you fall into despair, depression? Will you feel like you're losing part of your identity or a chunk of your self-confidence?
You don’t need to experience this to see how you would react. Do a thought experiment. Your brain does not recognise imagination from the real thing if it crosses a certain threshold. Next, answer a question:
How many of these labels do you hold onto? Or, in other words, what are you overly attached to? This could be a certain level of wealth or job title. It could also be subculture fit, or the people you surround yourself with and take pride in.
You are much more than what you do, how much you make, or your experiences. Your identity combines many aspects and is much more complex than the labels you use. It is quite a bit influenced by the era you live in, as well as their conscious level.
I’m doing well why should I bother?
I won’t use the “you never know” card (although I just did). I want to focus more on the advantages you can make use of even though you feel invincible and nothing shows this could change.
Why bother:
Career-wise, the market changes, you won't work in the same job your whole life.
Be more resilient to anything that changes the trajectory of your life.
Expand your thinking to other horizons, new ideas, connect the dots.
Develop a student mindset. Be able to fail more with less emotional burden. Recover quicker.
Harness your inner power to focus on what truly matters most.
Build more freedom in decision making.
I hope that’s enough to convince you to make an introspection. What would be the next step?
So, what are you made of, really?
Find stability within.
Labels are usually connected with the outside world. Focus on the inside world. Where does your core lie? Think about: your thoughts, values, experiences, how you carry yourself, habits, rituals, the way you learn, how you take care of yourself, develop, how you treat others, your reactions etc.
You should be able to feel the above not only write them down. When do you feel them most? When was the last time you felt them? These emotions also come from the moments when you make a conscious choice or take an action based on what is important to you.
Additionally, practice the art of letting go of things like the need to be liked, accepted, valued. In each such element like, accept and value yourself more instead of seeking it. The road to letting go differs from subject to subject as well as person to person.
Detachment is about changing your reactions and relationship to labels.
Work on changing your habits:
When networking or getting to know people, don’t use your fancy titles to make yourself stand out or be respected. Focus on the conversation.
Be more curious about others instead of focusing what to say next and how to shine in the group.
Do a break from LinkedIn, Instagram, and other places where you build your superficial persona.
Drop the urge to impress or stand out.
During all the above, see how it makes you feel, what comes up and work through those emotions and thoughts. Focus on doing meaningful things for yourself instead of approval of others. The end result should be lack of or significantly mitigated feeling of inferiority when you are not using the labels. If needed consult a therapist or a coach.
I worked through detachment myself in recent years. I worked through labels like a photographer, traveler, manager, earner of X amount of dollars annually etc. It felt great, like really great. It consumed a lot of my energy trying to hold to those, especially in adverse times.
We all use labels in our life and will continue to do so. This article is not about dropping them, it’s about changing your relationship so, when things change, your internal equilibrium is left intact. Now.. What’s the label you are too tied to and would benefit from detaching?
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Further reading:
“To Have or To Be?” by Erich Fromm
“Contemporary views on personal identity formation” - by Dominika Karaś, Ewa Topolewska-Sledzik, Oana Neguru-Subtirica
“Body of work. Finding the thread that ties your story together.” by Pamela Slim