How the ability to sit with discomfort can unlock your team and relationship building skills? š§
This skill is the most powerful element, along with curiosity, that can skyrocket your growth.Ā
š³ What is discomfort?
āMental or physical uneasiness.ā - Merriam-Webster dictionary.Ā
Itās when we experience so-called ānegative emotionsā after a situation or a thought. Itās worthwhile to emphasize that, although they might feel uncomfortable, there is no such thing as a negative emotion.Ā
All emotions are a carrier of information. Thatās it.
š§What does sitting with discomfort mean?
Itās being able to feel, and inquire with you emotions.Ā
Let me explain.
We all fall into the trap of being eitherĀ entangled (caught) inĀ our emotions or trying to repressĀ and get rid of them.
Entangled-in means living emotion as if in a small boat in the sea and giving in to the current. Repressing is about trying toĀ compensateĀ or stop feeling them.
The two above are not efficient as they do not help us understand the intention of what is happening inside us.
šš¼ How to sit with discomfort?
Itās about not giving in to the narrative and feeling āthroughā the emotion instead of āatā. āThroughā is about experiencing it yet not being it.Ā
š¤ Example:
John got angry after Tomās comment on the company meeting. He found it insulting.
(āatā approach) John can keep re-enacting this situation throughout the day and keep inciting anger in himself. Sometimes feeling angry because he is angry.
(āthroughā approach) John can feel the anger and be curious about it. He said to himself, āIām angry now. If this anger wanted to convey an important information, what would that be?ā.
We donāt always have answers when in an emotional state. Yet, instead of trying to stop feeling something, we give ourselves time to experience and check-in with curiosity, which lays the ground for taking responsibility and responding (instead of reacting).
After finding the intention of our emotions (which often concerns our values), the last step is to nourish this place with whatever we might need. That may be learning how to set better boundaries, what we value in life or other reasons.
āļøWhy itās worthwhile to build this skill?
making a conscious choice about how we want to react
build better self-awareness
thrive in difficult or conflict situations
respect your and otherās boundaries
build trust and positive authority
Iām curious what are your experiences and strategies for sitting with discomfort. What did it enable you to achieve thus far? Let me know in the comments.