Musings on authenticity, imperfection and phone backgrounds
I find a growing trend in the self-development space about authenticity. I see it as an important movement about returning to the roots of who we are. That said, as most information flows from simplified Instagram posts or short quotes, I think this topic is much more nuanced.
Let’s start with what authenticity is and what it is not.
Definition(s)
Being authentic does not mean being perfect nor is it being better. It’s more about showing up “genuine” - congruent with one's beliefs and traits. It also means not sacrificing yourself for group membership. In other words: acting on your gut feeling and who you are at your core regardless of consequences. It goes without saying that self-acceptance can do wonders here to further amplify our authenticity.
How and which parts of ourselves we show is highly context-dependent. Before we go there let’s unpack the first statement.
Authenticity flows from imperfection
If you look at the art of photography, many of the most compelling pictures are imperfect in some way which makes them more relatable and alive. They have substance, character, emotion and melody about them.
The melody does not come from intentional tapering with the material or poor skills. It comes from within, from the way the photographer sees the world, composition and how the decisive moment was captured. If you see dozens of photos taken in the same place in the same way they become surreal instead of beautiful.
People loose their character when trying to be perfectionists. They strip themselves from the good stuff that makes them interesting while trying to avoid being hurt or blamed for not being their best.
Rarely is perfection sought after in relationships (whether romantic or professional) as many of us know, consciously or not, that it’s not sustainable.
Where does authenticity lie in our brain?
From neurobiology perspective, authenticity is linked to precuneus surface area, smaller left amygdala volumes and PFC leading the way.
“The neurobiology of authenticity involves a complex interplay between different brain systems, with the prefrontal cortex playing a central role in self-reflection, self-regulation, and the integration of cognitive and emotional processes.”1
It means that diseases like dementia, PTSD, chronic pain2 can all affect our sense of behaving authentically. We then tend to act out of character which means out of our regular way of being.
Authenticity is context dependent
Although being unapologetically yourself can do a lot of good for building inner trust and acting on your beliefs, I think there is place, time and context for that. Let me give you few examples.
Going out of character vs. being authentic.
Can trying something new that we do be inauthentic? For instance, we are used to our voices and when we play with its melody (e.g. shaping it to be deeper) are we being inauthentic or mastering another skill? These are still our vocal cords which create the voice as well. If we develop it further it can become something people associate us with.
In that sense, authenticity does not mean maintaining the status quo but rather unpacking the layers of your true self and/or improving the aspects you wish to be better at.
Environments and social norms.
Not everyone should receive you in full (nor are they able to). There is always context for what part of you is more pronounced than the others. Some environments give way to types of behaviours while not paying attention to others.
For example, in a professional setting, certain rules are in place to keep things contained. Think: not openly discussing politics by management, not mixing support with therapy, not being a family but a business etc.
Another example can be family dinners. Every family has topics that are avoided in conversations or are uncomfortable to talk about. Many of us tend to avoid them for our own safety and energy management (“I don’t have time nor space for this again”).
Vulnerability and setting boundaries
Great connections are created around vulnerability. The more we dare to be who we feel we are, the more people resonating with us will come our way. That said vulnerability is built gradually and should not be the default go-to in every context.
Some people can use it against you, especially if what you share is not something you made peace with. Clinical narcissists can be one group that one should be careful with.
In a nutshell, authenticity is about knowing what is yours and what is not as well as setting boundaries. It’s not about being abusive to other people nor is it about not giving a fuck whatever happens. This is not how relationships are built although it might look like a good background for your phone.
“Authenticity and brain health: a values-based perspective and cultural education approach.” by Lucy E. Stirland, corresponding author Biniyam A. Ayele, Catherine Correa-Lopera, and Virginia E. Sturm.
“Authenticity as a Resilience Factor Against CV-19 Threat Among Those With Chronic Pain and Posttraumatic Stress Disorder” by David E. Reed, Elizabeth Lehinger, Briana Cobos, Kenneth E. Vail, Paul S. Nabity, Peter J. Helm, Madhwa S. Galgali, and Donald D. McGeary.